I've been reflecting of late.
I've been thinking how much better I feel since I started this blog. I don't feel anywhere near as melancholic as the past few months. I'm too scared to even read some of my earlier posts.
I feel really good. I've got so much to look forward to. But I still miss my friend. A lot. So much so that I've realised there is something from stopping me from getting down to her neck of the woods to see my other very good friend. My long-suffering dearest, bestest friend since aged 5. But hopefully this Friday. Hopefully.
what they must think, if they are looking down from that great cocktail bar in the sky, when they see me moping about depressed and miserable with my life that has nothing wrong with it. Wouldn't they love to give me a good kick. Even I would like to give me a good kick, upon reflection.
If only my brain didn't have to go through those periods. I'm ashamed that I have spent days, even weeks, possibly whole YEARS like that. Where nothing makes you feel good.
And all I can say, is that if you are feeling blue, do go and get help. It can so easily be treated. And when I am feeling like that again in the future--and yes, it's inevitable that this will recur--SOMEONE please tell me that I am back there in that horrid place so that I can acknowledge it and move on up again. HM tells me, and tells me and tells me and tells, but I take AGES to listen. We always think we are prepared for NEXT TIME but invariably, there's that nonsense again and days and days of madness. Those crazy months of me in some weird land. That no one else is allowed into. Irrational World. And it's IMPOSSIBLE trying to rationalise anything with an irrational person.
And then when I am good. EVERYONE is good.
|Even the kids did the right thing tonight at bedtime.|