Long time between drinks...

Again, I have not been as prolific as promised and 2013 is turning out to be a different year in more ways than one. However, AGAIN, I'm on the wagon.

BORING I know, but I cannot emphasise enough HOW MUCH of a difference it has made this year. It's been since Jan 15. While there has been the occasional beer on a hot day, I think I could count the alcoholic drinks on one hand. It really has made a MAJOR difference to my mind this time, as opposed to the last stint on the wagon, which I later went on to evaluate in this post. In the meantime, I've become totally obsessed with soda water. I can't get enough of the stuff. I don't even add anything to it, not even lime juice. It's crazy.

Yes, I'm still drinking bubbles!!!

I've really been having a great time of late. We've been away for like forever, and all over the shop in general, but it's all good. Finally Barnstormer is at kindy 3 days a week and Hammerhead is there full time. I'd like to say I miss them during the day but in all honesty, I don't have time to miss the little cherubs. I drop them off and then whooooooshka, it's time to pick them up again! I do also like that we have more quality time together on the weekends and after school.

Barnstormer is seriously starting to overtake me in the intelligence stakes and yes, this is a concern, her being 4 and all. But her relentless critical thinking and questioning is hard work. Just recently I was lost for words in the Church of Bunnings when she demanded to know exactly how the seed from the man gets into the mummy's tummy to make a baby grow. The queue at checkout all glared at me, waiting for my response. "You're just not telling me that part of it, Mum." She is not one for wishy washy answers.

The Surfer has become a minor superstar on the surfing stage and a major celeb around town with the school crew. It's all good and he is happily gallivanting about the country attending all sorts of camps and scholarships and competitions. He's in Margaret River at the moment, Byron Bay in a couple of weeks and then Gold Coast in May. He's even managed to collect a few stalkers on the way. Of course, none of this has bought me any closer to Mr Slater but we are working on it. And to use the words of the wonderful Mumabulous (who lately has been saving my sanity a lot with her very inspiring blog) here is SOME CRUMPET for those of you playing at home.

Yes I know he's now bald and much older but really does it matter???

Ok, I am off to have lunch with the beloved HM who has decided that once a week we should eat barbecued squid at Kailis' in Trigg. It is totally divine and one day I will post a pic of the scrumptious stuff but I never get round to photographing it as one wants to just dive in immediately.

Late note: We meet at Kailis' and the BASTARDS have taken their signature dish, yes--the aforementioned barbecued squid, OFF THE MENU. They've replaced it with SEARED squid as an entree, but IT'S TOTALLY NOT THE SAME! I hate when places do this. That stuff was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO popular, everyone who goes there orders it.

Got something irritating you that you would like to share?

xx

Bad mother stuff I do

I am not sure if it's because I've been in a bit of a funny state nearly the entire time I've been a parent or whether I am just not cut out for this mother-of-small-people gig (see here), but it has been brought to my attention that there are some things that I sometimes do that I shouldn't. These include:

• playing games with my kids but forgetting to let them win
• not making time to go along with some pretend game
• not listening long enough when they are telling me something
• not getting excited about something they are obviously excited about
• saying "maybe later" to them when I actually mean "NO, not ever in a million years".

Of course, I am not guilty of all of these things ALL THE TIME but yes, there are times when I am just "not in their world".

However, lately, I have been spending less time with them due to insane work commitments and it has made me appreciate them more and want to be further immersed in their world. I'm finding our cooking and craft sessions can actually be lots of fun. Barnstormer often comes out with amusing comments, many of which I will never remember, but she loves to pepper her conversation, wherever possible, with four and five-syllable words she has overheard. She does this with perfect pronunciation and everything is used in the right context.
I'm also spending much more time reading stories to them at night and it no longer seems like the last chore during nutcase hour. In fact nutcase hour seems to be morphing into quite a pleasant "dinner time/bath time/bed time" situation. Storytime is now an enjoyable activity and I am amazed at their memories when we select books we haven't read in a year. How does Barnstormer remember the names that I made up of the background characters? How does Hammerhead remember the text word-for-word on the pages that have been ripped out by Mr Nobody?

OOPS!

I've even gone to the supreme effort of MAKING UP STORIES out of my head about two fictional characters, who may or may not be based on Hammerhead and Barnstormer, and a magical far away tree that may or may not be based on The Magic Faraway Tree. I'm now finding that through this medium I can weave in little life lessons (some may call it brainwashing) about improving their behaviour.

Hammerhead and Barnstormer visit Moonface and the Land of Gnomes

 
Of course, the fact that HM has  somehow become a recent addict of Home and Away is helping with this. While once in a rush to get the kids asleep so we could watch the ABC news together, I'm now stretching things out a bit more to avoid seeing Alf and Roo arguing about someone else's business in the diner while another murder is committed in what surely must be Australia's crime capital, that sleepy tourist spot of Summer Bay. It's an evil town where a disproportionate number of high school students live in caravans with no responsible adult ...

Stone the flippin' crows: Did you know that the gorgeous Marcus Graham is now on Home and Away? Flamin' heck.

Actually, it's almost got me hooked too. 

I seem to have wandered off topic here so I'll wind it up. My message was simply that I have learned to appreciate the little people a little better now that I have truly acknowledged the depressing fog that has been present. I'm not going to feel guilty about the times that I was not in their world as I know that there have also been MANY, MANY quality times where I have been in their world. For now, I am  focused on staying in their world and enjoying all the things that bring them joy. I love to watch Hammerhead's grin turn to that massive smile as we conjure up yet another magic potion out of lizard poo and ladybird's wee just before bedtime.


xx

One month birthday - Party time.

Ok, just the shortest of posts as one has 500 million hours of (paid) work backlogged.

It's been one month since I started this blog. Thanks to everyone who has shared their insights or commented on anything. I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel. I also have to say that I am hoping to keep Insane Jane advertising free and product free. It is not a source of income for me--it is a form of therapy. Although, I have to admit I was almost swayed when a certain mining magnate emailed me yesterday. The dear thing wanted to give me a $billion if I wrote something nice about her parenting skills.

 

Mother of the Year 2012

And just while we're on that topic, has anyone else been hearing all the debate about the "rise of the mommy bloggers"? Gosh, that phrase makes me laugh. I have this vision of a group of transformer-type metallic women with a couple of kids strapped on their backs and in-built laptops at the front, furiously typing about the merits of cloth nappies vs disposables as they rise from some murky underground nursery-cave. A bit like those tripod things in War of the Worlds. {Cue music from Psycho shower scene}.

Tom Cruise: OH MY GOD, it's the mommy bloggers!

They've been buried here all this time.

Toddlers - can't eat them, can't throw them back

I am not totally fond of the toddler stage. Maybe it's because I had my kids very close together. I have a double serving of an entree I cannot send back to the kitchen. I think even if I only had one I would still struggle with the toddler phase. I jsut don't seem to know how to communicate in toddler-speak.

I am not one of those mum-type mums. I am not one of those people that would say that being a mum was the best thing they ever did. I am not a mum who wants to meet up with other mums in the park and do mum things. I never did the mums-walking-with-prams-together thing. I never joined a mother's group. I didn't relish the mother-of-toddlers role as much as some mums do. Don't get me wrong, I love my little people to death but I think I am more suited to being a worker than at home ALL DAY with two mischievous toddlers.

These are not my kids but this is the sort of thing they would do. 
Not that I would ever leave a bucket of white paint around.

I have tried to enjoy this phase by coming up with all sorts of activities. And we do have some incredibly good times. They can make me laugh till I am crying. I do painting, craft and outdoor stuff with them as much as the next mum.

But I often get frustrated with some of their extra curricular activities.

I have minimal time for Hammerhead's somewhat inventive party tricks. When is he going to work out that covering everything in the bedroom with a thick layer of powder is not going to make me laugh? Why, when we are cooking, does he grate the empty eggshells and throw them into my cake mix? Why does he pour all of my expensive (and now extremely precious) hair products down the plug hole? Why does he draw all over himself in black texta when there is a whiteboard right next to him? Why does he put his battery-operated toys into the front-loading washing machine? Which reminds me WHY DID WE EVER PURCHASE A FRONT LOADING WASHING MACHINE WHILE WE HAVE TODDLERS? (sorry that's another post entirely)

I thought this stuff would have stopped by now. I thought he would do this stuff once, find out it is not funny, be heavily involved in the clean-up and then it would never happen again. WRONG. No end of threats or punishments or lack of special treats has changed any of this. He thinks it is extremely hilarious stuff every time. Cracks himself up.


There are too many things to go into with Barnstormer. She is way too clever. She is far, far more intelligent now than I will ever be. However, despite knowing how to download and print out a set of pictorial instructions for her zhu zhu pet using my iPhone and question why Julia Gillard is rarely seen with Tim Mathieson, she still does not understand that when the ice-cream carton is empty, a full new icecream container will not magically appear in its place. She might even scream the house down about this.

Together Hammerhead and Barnstormer are capable of some crazy stuff. Barnstormer is the more sensible but can easily be led astray. Last week we made pizza. We do this often. I like to make the dough from scratch. The kids love to roll it out on the table once it's risen, but when my back is turned, as is often the case with the layout of our kitchen, no end of mayhem can eventuate. One minute they are busily rolling their dough and kneading it into creative shapes. The next minute, as I slice up the pineapple on the bench, all of the flour is tipped onto the table and the floor by Hammerhead and he is rubbing his hair in it. Not to be outdone, Barnstormer has rolled her crayons up inside her dough and is using this new invention to draw flowers on the table. I always wish I had taken photos or even a video (like this one) but am far too angry at the time.


When I was nearly five butter wouldn't melt in my mouth. I was mummy's princess. I rarely had a hair out of place and could start humming the orchestral movements of Swan Lake at any given moment. Mum was most proud. And mums BACK IN THOSE DAYS weren't complaining about toddlers. Mum had two younger ones besides me and she wasn't sitting around blogging to vent her frustrations. Mums back then were not whinging to anyone who would listen about how hard it is to have a shower without some small person telling you to get out of the way of the water. They didn't even have microwaves or dishwashers or disposable nappies. Not once have I ever heard my mum say "You kids used to drive me INSANE when you were little. It was a crazy time in my life". Nope. I think even now (that they are grandparents) they look and think what the hell are you complaining about? Actually, that's not true. My mum knows what mischief my little elves are capable of ...

And those people that say teenagers are horrid, do they not remember the toddler phase? We have a teenager and I would rather have five just like him--even teenage girls--in exchange for a double whammy of the 3-5 year old phase. At least they know that NO means NO.

So darling Hammerhead, aka Mr Mischief, turns 5 in less than three weeks. I cannot realistically expect that the party tricks are going to cease. We think it might be another year away.