Light at the end of the tunnel

There is the teeniest, tiniest flicker of light at the end of the longest, darkest, most claustrophobic tunnel ever. I am FINALLY getting to the end of the workload for the year.

I promise to write posts of a more profound nature in the coming months. Looking back so far I think this blog is just a melting pot of whinging and general first world nonsense. There are far more important goings on in the world. However, it has helped me to move on with a few things. I don't really know why. But I keep reading that others say the same. I guess putting things out there in the blogosphere brings clarity.

I am, unfortunately, still having a LOT of trouble with the memory. Not so much that I can't remember things, more that I am just VAGUE AS. I can't seem to remember to stay focused on the task at hand. Simple tasks that I have been doing perfectly for 43 years are simply going awry in a bad way. I have just recovered from an INSANE 48 hours. This is what happened:

1. Friday: Put lamb roast in oven to cook for an hour. Check on roast one hour later, realise I have set oven to GRILL and not fan force. Dinner one hour late that night.
2. Saturday morning: Drive off from petrol station leaving petrol cap on boot of car. Lost petrol cap forever.
3. Saturday afternoon: Put colour in hair to hide 50 shades of grey—something I do quite regularly. After 45 minutes I rinse and hair still very grey. Go to apply the conditioner included in the pack and discover it is not actually conditioner but the COLOUR mixture in a very similar container. Had put conditioner in hair for 45 minutes. IDIOT. And even then could not put the colour in because it has to be mixed with the special solution stuff that I had already mixed with the "conditioner".

NOT SO Nice and Easy

I'd like to think that all mums and 40 somethings in general are going vague at this time of the year. Am I right?

Oh and today, one of my very good friends sent her daughter over with some toys they no longer use to give to our peeps.  One of the toys was a loud, noisy plastic sword with flashing lights and a neverending series of loud beeps. Far, far worse than a Zhu Zhu pet. Hammerhead was absolutely delighted, never having been the recipient of such an offensive toy weapon. I couldn't bare to confiscate the toy so early in the peace. HM {irate} vacated the premises within 60 seconds while I sat and endured this horrid noise for a few hours, firing off a THANK YOU text to my friend, who assures me the batteries will die any minute. I now have The Surfer on a special mission in the shed (deep down in the dark recesses of the back yard jungle) attempting to use up the batteries as fast as possible.

If you would like a picture of this you can now follow me on Instagram at @msinsanejane

OK, it's back to the books. Hope you're all having a great weekend. xx

October Evaluation and Assessment

Just a quick post to firstly say am feeling extremely overwhelmed and stressed at the moment and haven't had a chance to blog. It's all my fault and again, I have not stuck to what I said I was going to. Damn lists. Who needs them! I don't even want to look back at that list I posted a few weeks ago as I'll bet I've achieved nothing on it.

I've been a tad greedy with work projects and said YES to absolutely everything and then I whinge about being up all hours working and having no life and no time. My reasoning, at the time, is to get ahead now so that I can afford to take some time off over summer to get that bikini bod down to the beach with the peeps. The bikini bod is not at all achievable, but I do intend to hit the beach.

I'm feeling left out of things at the moment and looking forward to nailing these last projects. Barnstormer told me the other day that I was not allowed to go with them to the pool because I "haven't finished my work or met my deadlines". She just turned 4. She talks like a performance manager. She told me I "need to re-organise my work things so that I have time to do fun stuff". She also said that "making excuses is not the way to go". Why am I not as intelligent as her? It's not fair.

Even though this year has another couple of months to it, I have learnt that:

• I am crap at meeting deadlines when it comes to writing  my books.
• I am most excellent and efficient at meeting deadlines when it comes to editing reports.
• I spend too much time looking at life through a screen of some sort.
• My medication makes me focus on myself, to the detriment of other family members, more than I should.
• I lost my mind some years ago, but more recently, my medication has severely diminished my short-term memory.
• I think my short-term memory has disappeared.
• Did I mention that I don't seem to remember anything?

So, quite simply, these are my three goals for 2013:


1. Get off the meds. Or at least CHANGE the medication.
It's affecting my ability to work. I can't remember how I've styled things in documents and am continually backtracking. I feel like Guy Pearce in Memento. I have to keep writing notes to myself about things to remember. I've missed appointments, I've missed Barnstormer's ballet lessons, I've cooked meals three times. I've left taps running and left the house. I've forgotten where I've parked the car at shops. I've forgotten where I'm going when I've got in the car. I've forgotten if I've taken my medication that morning. I've forgotten that HM's aunty died four days ago and asked how she was.

2. Just say NO to book contracts.
Unless  there is nothing else going, the motivation just isn't there at the moment to meet deadlines.

3. Walk along the beach every morning.

This stuff is GOLD. Makes me feel good all day.

Right, I feel better already just for writing all of that down. How is everyone else travelling at this time of the year?