Long time between drinks...

Again, I have not been as prolific as promised and 2013 is turning out to be a different year in more ways than one. However, AGAIN, I'm on the wagon.

BORING I know, but I cannot emphasise enough HOW MUCH of a difference it has made this year. It's been since Jan 15. While there has been the occasional beer on a hot day, I think I could count the alcoholic drinks on one hand. It really has made a MAJOR difference to my mind this time, as opposed to the last stint on the wagon, which I later went on to evaluate in this post. In the meantime, I've become totally obsessed with soda water. I can't get enough of the stuff. I don't even add anything to it, not even lime juice. It's crazy.

Yes, I'm still drinking bubbles!!!

I've really been having a great time of late. We've been away for like forever, and all over the shop in general, but it's all good. Finally Barnstormer is at kindy 3 days a week and Hammerhead is there full time. I'd like to say I miss them during the day but in all honesty, I don't have time to miss the little cherubs. I drop them off and then whooooooshka, it's time to pick them up again! I do also like that we have more quality time together on the weekends and after school.

Barnstormer is seriously starting to overtake me in the intelligence stakes and yes, this is a concern, her being 4 and all. But her relentless critical thinking and questioning is hard work. Just recently I was lost for words in the Church of Bunnings when she demanded to know exactly how the seed from the man gets into the mummy's tummy to make a baby grow. The queue at checkout all glared at me, waiting for my response. "You're just not telling me that part of it, Mum." She is not one for wishy washy answers.

The Surfer has become a minor superstar on the surfing stage and a major celeb around town with the school crew. It's all good and he is happily gallivanting about the country attending all sorts of camps and scholarships and competitions. He's in Margaret River at the moment, Byron Bay in a couple of weeks and then Gold Coast in May. He's even managed to collect a few stalkers on the way. Of course, none of this has bought me any closer to Mr Slater but we are working on it. And to use the words of the wonderful Mumabulous (who lately has been saving my sanity a lot with her very inspiring blog) here is SOME CRUMPET for those of you playing at home.

Yes I know he's now bald and much older but really does it matter???

Ok, I am off to have lunch with the beloved HM who has decided that once a week we should eat barbecued squid at Kailis' in Trigg. It is totally divine and one day I will post a pic of the scrumptious stuff but I never get round to photographing it as one wants to just dive in immediately.

Late note: We meet at Kailis' and the BASTARDS have taken their signature dish, yes--the aforementioned barbecued squid, OFF THE MENU. They've replaced it with SEARED squid as an entree, but IT'S TOTALLY NOT THE SAME! I hate when places do this. That stuff was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO popular, everyone who goes there orders it.

Got something irritating you that you would like to share?

xx

Everybody else is perfect ...

... Or so I thought until I went to an old friend's new massive straight-out-of-Vogue-Living-designer house and discovered their shockingly messy bedroom. I'm now convinced that everyone has mess SOMEWHERE or something sinister lurking somewhere--even the most seemingly perfect, tidy stick figure family type people.

I've tried forever to be MISS PERFECT ON THE OUTSIDE, having my kids arrive at school on time with hair combed and clean uniforms, stocked up with an immaculate healthy all-food-groups-represented lunchbox, with everything labelled beautifully from Stuck on You which I pre-ordered two years before they even started kindy! And, yes it's just a TOTAL FRONT for the teacher and the other PERFECT mums which hides the noise and chaos happening on the inside. And there is often ABSOLUTE chaos occurring at home to get the darlings to school in this condition.

In another lifetime I could have been Baron Von Trapp. I would love to have had that whistle and command over the kids.

Maybe it was the old school teacher in me.

However, in all this chaos that has gone on, I wasn't 'present' most of the time. Instead of listening to Hammerhead's delightful breakfast banter I was too busy working out how to make the best angry bird sandwich--which he has since politely informed me has ALWAYS ended up as a mess of ham and cucumber when it came time to open his lunch box. I wasn't listening at all.

So I have learned that my quest for perfection has been a complete waste of time. And here are some of the observations that have led me to this conclusion ...


Our school is in a fairly affluent area. Lots of old houses (just like ours) are being demolished so big mansions can be built. There is the full black 4WD brigade happening, complete with stick figure family on the back, and I am the one who parks around the corner because the only thing stuck on my ANCIENT Saab is three layers of bird shit. Nothing against black 4WDs mind--my own sister has one! Most of the mums on the school run are wearing their gym gear, with a smattering of women in full corporate attire--always very glam. The gym gear women just pure and simply make me feel inadequate. Some of them even have a full head of make up happening and look like they are off to lunch. I reflect on the time that I joined the local gym and went there three times in six months.

But these seemingly perfect mums are often not what they appear. A gym gear mum approached me at the school bag drop off the other day to invite me to a park 'thing'. In the course of the conversation I said, "How good are you always doing exercise after the drop off?". She replied "Nah, I actually don't exercise, I just wear this stuff to make me feel like I am doing some exercise. I am actually off for coffee and cake!" She was serious. She said that not only was she NOT a gym person, she never even went for a walk! She just liked wearing gym gear ALL DAY because it was comfy.

Then there was the parents-meeting-the-teacher night at school. I drove down there at dusk and parked in my usual spot, forgetting that it was going to be totally dark at the end of the meeting. An hour later, the walk back to the car across the oval through the bush track looked like the setting for the Blair Witch Project. But to my rescue came a bubbly, perfectly-coiffed young mum who kindly offered to drive me around to my car. I had never met this woman before yet we were bound to be seeing a lot of each other in the future.

"Now my car's a bit messy," she volunteered.
"Oh pulllllllease," I said. "I'm sure mine's worse".

It wasn't. Her car being a 'bit messy' was the understatement of the year. There was toothpaste all over the front seat which she spread a towel over for me to sit on. When she opened the door for my side, all of this stuff fell out onto the ground and I am fairly certain I saw a wet nappy and a half eaten happy meal. Then everything that was in the spot that feet would normally go in the passenger side, was scooped up and just thrown over into the back which was knee deep in what can only be described as rubbish. I'm talking stuff that should just be in the bin; not kid's books, toys, and unmatched shoes--which is what you'd find in my car on any given day.... I'm talking REAL rubbish. Bless her.


All I could think of was how kind this woman was offering me a lift knowing her car was a mess. She didn't even seem embarrassed by this mess. And then it dawned on me that she probably didn't even notice this mess. She was just comfortable to live like that and didn't care what people thought.

Then I happened upon the series Making Couples Happy on the ABC. If you haven't seen it at all watch it here on iView. These poor couples have some BIG marital issues yet probably present as the perfect family at the school gate. Then again maybe not. I mean why pretend to be perfect when you are just going to go on national television and expose intensely private matters to THE WORLD????

There was one lovely woman who had been married for 29 years, sitting next to her lovely husband, telling the interviewer that she was no longer attracted to her husband in any way, shape or form, and basically could not stand the sight of him. And the husband is just sitting there, nodding syphathetically, listening to it all like she is talking about how she felt when the cat died! I felt so sorry for this man. HM was absolutely MORTIFIED! We couldn't for the life of us work out why you would want to go on television, having all of your mates, work mates, school mums, people from the shop and of course, your own family watching it and knowing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING that is usually hidden, unsaid or at the very least, discussed behind closed doors!!!

Is it that some people just crave to be a reality star no matter what they have to bare? OR are they so desperately unhappy with their non-perfect life that the only way they think they can save their marriage is by exposing it all for independent review? On watching the last episode tonight, I'm thinking it's the latter.

So there. Now I know that even the most perfect looking family at the school no doubt has some background nonsense factored in. And I feel better for that.

In conclusion, I want to add that by starting this blog, aside from providing me with an outlet to rant into the ether, I have also become ensconsed in several fantastic and insightful blogs written by normal real women (just like me) who want everything perfect and get a little depressed when it isn't. To all of you wonderful and beautiful blogger ladies, I THANK YOU. If you've received a comment from me at any time that means YOU!

Dear Subscribers

Sorry, I had a few technical hitches when posting and you probably got a notificaton (like I did) that there was a new post. Anyway, it was only half done so you may need to click here www.triplejane.com to read the FULL post. It should all be ok now and also there should be no mention of insane on your email notification.

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xx

Buddha statues are the new black

Our garden

I don't know if I am just becoming more aware of my surroundings in my feast of the senses, or whether they have always been there but I have been noticing a plethora of Buddha statues around the streets. Just barely a hop, skip and a jump from our driveway are two MASSIVE Buddhas out the front of a house that slowly seems to be morphing into a Tibetan temple. I've also noticed a couple of others around the neighbourhood, and now hardly a day goes by when I don't yell out SPOTTO on  my happy trails after the morning school run.

The skip bin fully adding to the serenity ...

Anyway moving on.

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow and we are out at a concert in the evening. Aside from it being something HM has entirely instigated, it would appear that HM has chosen this time to instigate another first. This one involves The Surfer babysitting the little people for the first time. The Surfer is 15 now. He surfs BIG MASSIVE waves where SHARKS lurk. He has even surfed PIPELINE in Hawaii. He DRIVES the car when we go down south (only on the bush and private tracks with no other cars) but he has full control of the vehicle and we don't need to tell him how to drive. He lights the fire. He does all the heavy lifting around the house. He is a Man-Boy.

There is no real reason why he shouldn't be the best babysitter in the universe ... however, he is not at all happy when faced with being home alone. Not even during the day. And basically, this was the reaction we got from The Surfer:

He is especially not big on looking after Hammerhead and Barnstormer, who at the best of night times, aren't very cooperative at bedtime. So I have no idea how this is going to pan out.  HM is ADAMANT that he step up to the task. The Surfer has said in no uncertain terms he is not up for it EVER ... but HM has decided the time has come. In fact, he thinks the time came a couple of years ago.

But I just don't know ... it is also coinciding with the start of school and the tiredness that is going on with that from the littlies.

So while  I am ecstatic to be going on a rare night out with the beloved, I am sure I will the spend the night worrying about what is going on at home. Both kids have a full day of school the next day and The Surfer probably has a tonne of algebra homework that Hammerhead won't be able to help with. Barnstormer, at that time of night, can also be very non-compliant with authority of any description. Who am I kidding? She is just non-compliant fullstop.

We will see! I am hoping for a pleasant surprise.

Happy Valentine's day to all.

xx

The change over

Ok,
I am a little confused with the Google feedburner thingy and want to know if subscribers to insane-jane.com are still receiving notifications now that I have a shiny new domain name. If just ONE of you millions of superfabulous subscribers could just leave me a note below to let me know that you got an email about this EXCITING new post, that would be fabulous.

Sorry for the lack of posts. I am trying to wade my way through the murky swamp that is the staggered start to the kindy and pre-primary school years. I wish they would just start with full days already and be done with it. Kids these days; totally wrapped in cotton wool. I forgot to pick little Barnstormer up on her VERY FIRST DAY (got the time wrong by 30 mins) and DID SHE CARE? Not one bit.

She is even cross about the fact that she is only having half days. "WHEN DOES IT END?" she asks.


I leave you with this gem from HM: "If you are feeling sad about the kids going to school, we could try and have another baby and go back to square one!"